“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:10-12).”
We men are a screwed up bunch. Because we’re so confused, we have no clue how valuable the women in our lives are.
One character who exemplifies this is Dr. Gregory House, the main focus of the TV drama that bears his surname. In a recent episode of “House”, he is talking to his best friend Dr. Wilson in a bar.
House is supposed to be at a charity event where the love of his life, Dr. Lisa Cuddy, is receiving an award. However, he has just lost a patient that could have been saved if he had diagnosed him in time. House found the right disease, a rare one, but it was too late.
Wilson has found House putting one on. He is pretty near three sheets to the wind.
“All of them are gone, Wilson. They’re all dead because I am screwed up”, House says.
Wilson replies, “You’ve lost patients before. You’ll lose them again.”
House says, “Exactly. Why?. Because love and happiness are nothing but distractions. The only thing my relationship with Cuddy has done for me is make me a worse doctor.”
Wilson answers (andchuckles), “Right. The great Dr. House doesn’t deserve to be happy. You know it’s not true.’
House replies: “My happiness is being paid for with other people’s lives.”
Despite the fact House is drunk and has missed her big event, he goes to visit Cuddy. He tells her,”I’ve made a decision. Being happy and being in love with you makes me a crappy doctor.”
Cuddy replies,”Shut up. You’re too drunk to end this relationship.”
House answers,” I am drunk. And I am also right. You have made me a worse doctor. And people are gonna die because of that. And…you…are totally worth it. If I had to choose between saving everyone and loving you and being happy, I choose you. I choose being happy with you. I will always choose you.”
Because I have watched this show for several years (it’s one of my favorites), I know this last scene is a big step in House’s character development. Usually, the case is everything to him.
Nothing has ever stood in the way of Dr. House solving a case in the past. Now he has been stopped in his tracks by a woman he doesn’t deserve.
Nothing stopped Marvin Gaye, however, until it did -in surpising fashion.
Gaye was an historic Motown singer. He was something of a poet for his generation, the youth of the tumultous 1960s. He cowrote “What’s Goin’ On”, a plea to the older generation to listen to their young’s protests over Vietnam:
We don’t need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we’ve got to find a way
To bring some lovin’ here today
Picket lines and picket signs
Don’t punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what’s going on
What’s going on
Ya, what’s going on
Ah, what’s going on.”
In 1984 Gaye was shot to death -by his former Christian minister father Marvin Gaye, Sr. The younger Gaye had tried to intervene in an argument betweeh his father and mother, and his Dad shot him with a .38 his son had ironically bought him for protection.
Gaye’s father was no saint. He beat him as a child, even while making him go to church. When he lost his minister job, he began to drink and became a recluse, and refused to work. Gaye’s mother ended up cleaning houses.
The junior Marvin learned well from his Dad. His treatment of his woman was equally as tragic.
Emily Gray notes that when he died, he had $30,ooo dollars in the bank and owed the IRS millions, despite making a fortune through his music. Writing in 1999, Gray said:
“Today, Gaye’s widow and his children live in low to middle-income housing outside L.A., where Jan Hunter Gaye cleans houses and receives social security to support herself and her children.”
Write’s David Karajicekc, “Marketed as Motown’s lover man, he was a misogynist who beat the women he professed to love—a trait he inherited from his father. He sang ballads and duets about soulful romance, yet forced his lovers into degrading and kinky acts that satisfied his sadism and voyeurism.”
Marvin Gaye’s life is a lesson to me. His way is no way to treat a woman.
I haven’t been as messed up as Gaye, I suppose, but I know I have treated my woman badly. In return for her love, I have been abusive, unloving, diffident, indifferent and unkind.
I am now in my mid-50s, and she is the one now teaching me. It should be the other way around, but it’s not. However, I am grateful.
My wife is teaching me that God loves me, and that I should praise Him. I have formed an acronym out of her ideas. I call it HEP.
My wife tells me that praise is something we should do because it is Honoring to God . In addition, it is Effective in our lives. She tells me we have no idea of the unknown consequences that praising God will bring to us.
Lastly, my wife says that praising God gives us Perspective. It helps us see reality as it is.
My wife has been reading a couple Scripture passages to me:
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.
You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being (Revelation 4:8b,11).”
“Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion…(Psalm 103:1-4).”
I am indeed a fortunate man. I have a wife who seeks to encourage me in my relationship with God.
Even King David, God’s “man after my own heart” did not have a wife like this. Instead, he had Michal.
David had just finished singing and dancing in the streets with the priests as Israel’s Ark of the Covenant was brought to Jerusalem. The Scriptures say he then returned home to “bless his household” (II Samuel 6:20).
As he entered the house, Mical told David that his behavior was unbecoming for the King of Israel. She berated him, telling him he was vulgar.
Many people believe David was wearing little as he danced around, prompting Michal’s rebuke. This is how the cimema has portrayed this event.
However, David Guzik notes that David wore a linen ephod like that of the priests in the procession. It wasn’t “vulgar” in the sense of being degenerate.
What Guzik says that Michal objected to was David the King making himself like the other commoners in the procession. Thus, vulgar in this context would mean “common”. It was in her eyes undignified for royalty.
David responded by telling Michal,”“It was before the LORD, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the LORD’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the LORD. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes (II Samuel 6:21,22).”
Guzik, in his website Enduring Word, quotes Charles Spurgeon as saying of this discourse:
“David would more and more abase himself before the Lord. He felt that whatever Michal’s opinion of him might be, it could not be more humbling than his own view of himself. Brother, if any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him; for you are worse than he thinks you to be.”
I wince at Spurgeon’s comments because I have at times responded poorly to my wife’s well meaning attempts to improve my character. In fact, she is doing me a favor.
One thing I do know is that she loves me and wants the best for me. With this in mind, today I am thankful that I have such a spouse, one who cares enough to help me walk with God and love Him and my family.
I’m with David. It’s time to dance in the streets celebrating who God is and what He has done.
“Callin’ out around the world
Are you ready for a brand new beat?
Summer’s here and the time is right
For dancin’ in the streets…
All we need is music, sweet music
There’ll be music everywhere
There’ll be swingin’, swayin’ and records playin’
And dancin’ in the streets
Oh, it doesn’t matter what you wear
Just as long as you are there
So come on, every guy grab a girl
Everywhere around the world
There’ll be dancin’
They’re dancin’ in the street (Martha and the Vandellas).”
I’m ready for a brand new beat of praise in my life and the gal I’ll be grabbing as I dance will be my wife.
Jesus will be the Lord of our dance. A hymn that seems older than its years (it’s less than 50 years old) expresses my sentiments:
“Dance, then, wherever you may be;
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he.
And I’ll lead you all wherever you may be,
And I’ll lead you all in the dance, said he….
I danced on a Friday and the sky turned black;
It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back;
They buried my body and they thought I’d gone,
But I am the dance and I still go on.
They cut me down and I leapt up high,
I am the life that’ll never, never die;
I’ll live in you if you’ll live in me;
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he (“Lord of the Dance”. Stainer and Bell).”
I am trying to learn what my wife is teaching me, that God loves me and that I should praise Him. I have a choice. I can either choose to believe that God loves me as the Scriptures say, regardless of my feelings or circumstances, or I can stay in my stupor.
Tomorrow is Monday. Mondays and I have a poor relationship.
However, knowing now what my wife is teaching me, when I wake up in the morning, I need to do an attitude check.
Lyrics made popular by Cat Stevens tell me what my thoughts should be like:
Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the world
Sweet the rain’s new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass
Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God’s recreation of the new day (lyrics by Eleanor Farjeon.”
I think we men believe like House did that our women are holding us back. This may or may not be true. I know in my case, despite my faulty male thinking, that my wife hasn’t made me a crappy anything. She makes me better.
Even if she hadn’t, House came to the right view, the one I now have about my wife. Whether life is good or bad or happy or sad, like House, when it comes to my woman, I say, “You are totally worth it. I choose YOU!”
And I choose to believe what she is teaching me about God.